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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25239784">Obligation {Damnation}</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/regulusrules/pseuds/regulusrules'>regulusrules</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Best thing the Author has written, Death Eaters, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Last tag shall be included in every single one-shot, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black-centric, Weedosoros, Young Sirius Black</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:01:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,983</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25239784</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/regulusrules/pseuds/regulusrules</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Regulus Black decided to join the Death Eaters, he thought he had weighted his options quite deliberately. Turns out there’s an ultimatum involved that he did not foresee. </p><p>He never expected it to be choosing between his own life, however, and the life of the closest soul to his heart.</p><p>•|∆</p><p>❝ 𝑰𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝑹𝒆𝒈𝒖𝒍𝒖𝒔 𝒋𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝑬𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒊𝒎𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕. ❞</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Regulus Black &amp; Narcissa Black Malfoy, Regulus Black &amp; Sirius Black</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. OBLIGATION</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From the very first glance at Regulus Black one would surely consider him an aesthetical person; be it from his calm and composed posture, or the strikingly handsome artistic face he seemed to have been born with which emitted elegance and grace.</p><p>But these were the visible reasons why though, and the deep legitimate ones like his love of decoration and his exquisite paintings that reflected his mystifying brain, were the hobbies nobody seemed to know of, thanks to his secrecy about them.</p><p>Regulus was so fond of art; something that most of his family appreciated too. Hence, it was expected that his older cousin’s sense of decoration in her manor might meet his elevated expectations. The manor wasn’t fully decorated by her though, due to living in a great ancient one that has been there for ages, but Narcissa Malfoy did know how to add her feminine touches to make everything far more alluring. And Regulus loved that manor, starting from its exterior with the beautiful serene gardens surrounding it, until its interior and the grandeur of every inch. He was an intuitively observant person, and contemplating the world around him was the kind of thing he would do in his free time, bringing him immense assuagement.</p><p>But although living in a great wide manor has its amazing perks, sometimes its disadvantages makes you forget everything fascinating about it, especially if you’re a resident there or even a frequent visitor.</p><p>A clear June night it was when a wizard, the darkest wizard of all known as Lord Voldemort, decided to gather his most trusted followers. Volunteers were a lot as usual, for every time there was a different household for the new meeting. And of course one of the volunteers for the setting of that day’s meeting was none other than Lucius Malfoy, as it was — in his dictionary — a great honour that the Dark Lord would bestow him with his gracious presence in his manor.</p><p>His wife, however, internally felt that it was a bad move. That even though she believed in Lord Voldemort’s mission, she was also trying subconsciously to stay beside the wall as much as she can. Her presence was respected though, no way as her older sister of course, and she was able to attend those meetings set up in her house.</p><p>And she thanked the real Lord for allowing her to attend that particular one because of the interesting events that would unfold that day.</p><p>A long table was set up in the grand drawing room of the Malfoy Manor where everybody was to be seated, and in a matter of minutes had it been full, all awaiting the arrival of the Dark Lord. Small talks then began between the group known as the Death Eaters, all ranging between letting others know of their latest achievements or gathered intel. A few minutes had passed until all sat up when they heard the unnerving crack of apparition.</p><p>All of those present bowed to the awaited comer, and Lord Voldemort soundlessly crossed the room and sat on the head chair where he waved his hand for his loyal followers to sit down. They all had obeyed then, watching the Dark Lord intently with some sort of admiration in each and every eye of theirs, waiting for him patiently to start talking. He had then started the meeting, getting informed of all movements from his Death Eaters and asking about the missions he had told them to accomplish. Almost half an hour had passed this way, until silence fell and Voldemort turned to the one and only Lucius Malfoy.</p><p>“So, where is our guest, Lucius?” he had asked intriguingly, breaking the momentary silence.</p><p>“He’s here my Lord; allow me to go fetch him.” Lucius replied and Voldemort nodded his approval.</p><p>So Lucius then sat up and moved gracefully towards one of the many rooms that belonged to his ancestors’ manor in order to lead his wife’s cousin to the person he had been eager to meet for a while. Admittedly, Lucius was astonished to know his intentions of joining their powerful rank from such a young age, and a small envious voice inside him warned him to beware from Regulus Black and his profound intelligence, for he might become as trustworthy to the Dark Lord as him. For a shuddering moment even, his brain thought that maybe one day Regulus will be even more.</p><p>“Regulus,” he said tonelessly as he reached the room where Regulus was waiting. “You are wanted.”</p><p>And as quickly as if he was standing right behind the door, Regulus came out and wordlessly followed Lucius to the drawing room.</p><p>Regulus did not know whether it was excitement or nervousness that had been and still was consuming him. It only seemed as a jumble of emotions mixed altogether to the point of not being able to distinguish between. Nevertheless, he just pushed everything down and forced himself to focus on the goal he thought was fitting.</p><p>As they had entered the drawing room, everyone who was awaiting the unknown guest was very surprised to see the youngest Black entering, for he was known that he hadn’t even come of age yet. And Regulus of course had expected these odd looks, and he scoffed internally for how ignorant people can be when it came to acknowledging young potentials. Retaining his impassive face, he proceeded to mildly ignore them all, for he was not there to be questioned by any other than the intended one.</p><p>But as he entered the room, Regulus felt a sudden change in the normal calm atmosphere surrounding the exact same room, as if it had lost all its serenity.</p><p>He did not know what to feel about that.</p><p>“My Lord,” Lucius had then spoken beside him. “It is my honour to introduce you to the heir of the Blacks: Regulus Arcturus.”</p><p>For a fraction of a second Regulus remembered how that title should not technically belong to him. That he was merely a fraud, taking the place of someone he used to dearly love. But he once again forced himself to forget all distractions and took a step forward to bow artistically in front of Lord Voldemort.</p><p>“Such an honour, my Lord.” he said graciously.</p><p>“The pleasure is all mine.” Voldemort replied, looking attentively at the young boy in front of him. “Take a seat, Regulus.” he completed, indicating to the empty chair on his left and Regulus loyally obeyed.</p><p>“So... what makes you, Regulus Arcturus, worthy of my companionship and trust?” Voldemort directly asked, not wasting any time to interrogate a seemingly smart follower.</p><p>“I know magic as well as all current companionship in my young age – if not even more.” Regulus replied confidently and felt some anger arising from those he referred to.</p><p>“Very good,” Voldemort replied, amused from his confidence and even seeing some of his old self inside him. “But do you think <em>I</em> am trustworthy of <em>your</em> companionship?”</p><p>“There is no doubt in that, my Lord.” Regulus told him firmly, quite fazed by the abnormal question that he did not anticipate.</p><p>“Well, then consider me contented.” Voldemort said with a ghost of a smile on his face. “Yet, you shall prove your loyalty to me first, of course.”</p><p>“Anything that will please you, my Lord.” Regulus told him assuredly and Voldemort’s eyes seemed to permeate his innards, but Regulus was not someone who could be called an amateur, and the moment of Legilimency was blocked entirely. And Voldemort, who was not an easily pleased man, was amused from Regulus’s expertise at Occlumency, even if it was against him.</p><p>And so The Dark Lord started his main plan by waving his hand almost carelessly to open the locked huge window, and in a moment sore a beautiful eagle owl, obviously driven by an unknown force that made it stand on the table right in front of him.</p><p>“This is your owl, is it not? You see, I find it so fascinating,” Voldemort said, petting its dazed head with his thin long fingers. “But Lucius here told me it was actually a gift from your traitorous brother,” his tone then changed, going from cold to extremely chilly. “And attachment is a curse that needs to be retaliated upon, right?”</p><p>
  <em>“I know I’m not supposed to be talking to you, and that you hate me, but can you at least listen to me?” sighed Sirius Black, finally finding some solitude with his younger brother. “It’s not my problem I got sorted into Gryffindor, Reg! It’s not my fault that that old hat saw I would belong there more than in the default of our family! You wouldn’t hate for me to find a place where I belong, right?” he asked hesitantly, suddenly dreading the rejection of even the closest person to his heart.</em>
</p><p><em>“You belong here, Sirius!” Regulus replied </em> <em>dignifiedly</em> <em>, trying to vibe him how truly irritated he was.</em></p><p><em>“You know that isn’t true, Reg. Neither of us belong </em><em>here.”</em> <em>the eldest replied calmly.</em></p><p><em>“No we do, Sirius. This is our family and family is what matters in </em><em>life.”</em> <em>Regulus told him firmly and Sirius just abandoned all the calmness and replied in the same firm tone.</em></p><p><em>“But what happens if that family doesn’t love you? You just keep obliging because ‘it’s family and family is what </em><em>matters</em>’<em>?”</em></p><p>
  <em>Regulus didn’t respond.</em>
</p><p><em>“Look Regulus,” sighed Sirius once more. “I’m not saying let’s go pack and leave. All I’m saying is that it is okay to have different views than them and voice out that difference even though it might cause you pain. Freedom is what </em> <em> <b>does </b> </em> <em>matter in this life, </em> <em>Regulus.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Yes but what about the freedom that will cause others pain? Is that one valid to you too?”</em>
</p><p><em>“Of— of course not!” Sirius replied, shocked from the sudden accusatorial question. “You cannot cause someone who doesn’t love you pain by leaving them, Reg! And besides,” he said, his voice changing from its fight mode and became somehow softer and more </em><em>joyful</em> <em>in</em> <em>just</em> <em>a</em> <em>second. “I’m not here to quarrel with you </em><em>today a</em><em>nd</em> <em>get </em><em>enlightened</em> <em>with your opinions in life. Mother and Father are about to return and I want you to see this without them breathing down our </em><em>necks.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“What’s this?” Regulus asked curiously.</em>
</p><p><em>“Close your eyes </em><em>first.”</em> <em>Sirius grinned and Regulus rolled his eyes instead. “Just close them willingly or I will Conjunctivitis you and you won’t be able to do anything because you still haven’t got a </em><em>wand.”</em> <em>he added mischievously when he saw the eye roll.</em></p><p>
  <em>And Regulus, still pissed off from Sirius, unwillingly closed his eyes and heard Sirius rushing out through his door.</em>
</p><p><em>A few seconds had passed, and Regulus was about to open his eyes from boredom when the other boy’s voice sounded back as if certain of his brother’s reaction, “Na ah, little brother! Deal’s a </em> <em>deal.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Can you just hurry up a bit?” Regulus voiced irritatingly.</em>
</p><p><em>“You know the saying, Reg. Patience is a </em><em>virtue.”</em> <em>Sirius told him with a wide grin that was obscured from Regulus’s vision.</em></p><p><em>“Pretty sure we’re not supposed to </em><em>reutter</em> <em>anything Andromeda had told us before, </em><em>Sirius.”</em> <em>he said coldly but with no assertiveness in his voice.</em></p><p>
  <em>“Oh do shut up, can you?” Sirius said restlessly and a few more seconds of silence elapsed.</em>
</p><p><em>Regulus then was about to open his mouth again and complain for the second time about Sirius’s </em><em>delation</em> <em>when he suddenly felt something, undeniably an owl’s droppings on his lap, followed by a soft feminine hoot.</em></p><p><em>And Number 12</em> <em>Grimmauld</em> <em>Place heard the loudest shriek in its entire antiquity, followed by a merrily bark of laughter from another.</em></p><p><em>“Happy birthday, </em> <em>Reggie.”</em></p><p>“Of course, my Lord.” Regulus replied monotonously, trying to put up his best and grandest mask to shield the horrors his innards had started to feel.</p><p>And the merry flashback was gone as quickly as it came.</p><p>“Good,” the Dark Lord had then smiled fully, a smile so twisted that it felt like seeing the Devil’s smile. “But you surely wouldn’t want to kill the bird? Wouldn’t want to waste your first usage of the Killing Curse on it, yes? That’s why I spared you the greatness of that first kill and you’ll only have to give it <em>this.</em><em>”</em> And as if from thin air, Voldemort conjured a small flask of a burnt umber potion and flashed it towards Regulus’s eyesight.</p><p>For a moment after his eyes had caught what was in Voldemort’s hand Regulus started to feel his body loosen and beg him to let it rest and just faint. He was neither able of inhalation or exhalation, too. But the second never lasted, and Regulus quietly mumbled, “Weedosoros.”</p><p>“Indeed.” Voldemort had replied, looking intently at Regulus’s reactions and testingly saying, “But you see, your pet is loyal. Very loyal indeed. It cannot take anything from any other person than her master. And reusing the Imperius Curse would lack the amusement out of it, wouldn’t it? So here you go, Regulus Black. Make her <em>drink </em><em>it</em>.”</p><p>Astonishment and quiescence was filling the whole room by then. All the Death Eaters were watching fixedly on the scene in front of them, waiting eagerly to see whether young Regulus Black had the nerve to shove the deadly poison down his beloved owl’s throat or not.</p><p>Only one had actually cared about his feelings and knew of the dilemma going through his head. She knew how much that owl meant to him, and how it was the only living soul he could connect with these days. She knew, despite her grudges, how much being gifted that owl from his brother mattered to him, and how her existence was the only semblance of attachment reminding him of the person he cared for beyond all else. She knew that by killing her it would crush his soul and traumatise him. And she also knew that he was debating whether to flee and die right now, or just give in and oblige.</p><p>She, Narcissa Malfoy, knew everything, but kept her head in the shadows.</p><p>As for the one in the centre of attention, he no longer knew what should he do and not. Which was the right path and which wasn’t. Every single doubt he had tried to vanquish the past few days seemed to come back and hit him even more heavily than any other time before, as if waiting to ambush the youngest Black in the moment of his utter weakness.</p><p>Would he be doing the right thing by following the Dark Lord? Would he – Regulus Arcturus Black – benefit from that enigmatic way? Or should he just turn his back from it because it has the potential to ruin his life? Should he try to run as quickly as possible and just flee with the great possibility of never seeing the light once more?</p><p>Turbulence then reappeared no matter how assertive he had always wanted and tried to be. Having to make decisions, and now great existential ones, made his brain shout from the excessive usage, and cry inwardly to just let it rest.</p><p>But midst this array of thoughts he had, a small voice came through and whispered <em>follow</em><em>your</em><em>logic</em><em>,</em> which made everything much more complicated for his troubled soul.</p><p><em>What’s logic?</em>He mystifyingly asked every part screaming at him. <em>Is logic cowardly running away to try and save my soul but losing it midway or is it making my family proud by joining the Dark Lord even though it might rip my soul with what I’m being asked to do? Is it shaming my family or disappointing the brother that left me all alone? Is it attempting to save my soul or just taking away the purest one?</em></p><p>
  <em>Is it fight or flight?</em>
</p><p><em>Flight,</em> chose his heart, or whatever was still left of it untainted. <em>Just go away and flee from all this hell, Regulus. This is not where you belong. This should not be your life. You know this. You </em><em><b>feel</b></em><em> this. Go away and lose it instead of killing such an innocent soul you love more than anything. For once try bravery as an option, Regulus.</em></p><p>But his mind just scoffed in response.</p><p>
  <em>Bravery? There is no place for bravery here, Regulus. You aren’t your brother. It’s Fight what will save us now. Fighting all the hell Sirius made you go through these past few months and discovering a new life that might give you the feeling of belonging at last. We still don’t even know what’s in for us if you join. Glory might be awaiting us and killing her is the only way for our survival. Besides, you wouldn’t rather die for an owl right?</em>
</p><p>Betwixt all these negotiations his heart and mind were participating in, Regulus only felt his soul rip into two and clench due to the over thinking and feeling happening. He really wanted to know what his soul’s call on this would be. He wanted to know what could he truly want and choose without feeling regretful afterwards.</p><p>But he was no longer able to feel his soul. He felt as hollow as someone who had been kissed by a Dementor; just a shallow shell with its organs quarrelling with each other and no élan to decide.</p><p>
  <em>Joke’s on you, élan.</em>
</p><p>How funny that all these extensive inner fights between his mind and heart seemed to take only a minute, when inside it felt infinite. But Regulus seemed to have realised that a minute is such a long time for him to decide in, and he also became once more aware of all the eyes watching him hawkishly, waiting for a reaction.</p><p>He could feel his rapidly racing heart warning him not to proceed with what his mind was urging him to do, and he shattered inwardly that he even thought that killing his dear owl was an option.</p><p>And he became <em>completely</em> shattered when he realised what his actions were leading to in the end.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. DAMNATION</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It never really is an easy thing, decisions, for some people. Some others of course cherish the idea of making decisions and being the ones in charge of situations and it’s even so easy for them to make choices without causing any problems or conflicts. Yet for those like Regulus Black, existential decisions were never their favourite things in the world.</p><p>And Regulus envied those who had the ability of taking decisions, of being assertive and decisive even if this factor only seemed to resonate to him through his brother’s utilisation of it, which mostly were all irrational and irresponsible decisions in his eyes.</p><p>But Regulus wasn’t Sirius, that he knew, and both were so differently alike that it would’ve, even from an eye of an outsider, looked as if they were one soul torn into two contrasting halves where each half cannot survive without its other.</p><p>And maybe that was why neither felt as living.</p><p>The escapism from the present predicament with decisions didn’t quite last for Regulus, and every passing second seemed to lead him to more and more difficulty with keeping up with what was happening and what was about to happen. He now started to feel as if he was acting with none of his organs working, like an automaton that just receives orders and obeys. His hands seemed to just move mechanically towards the deadly poison, towards the end of his innocence.</p><p>And the problem was that he could not stop; he had to do it, he had to follow.</p><p>He started uncorking the small flask speechlessly, devoid from any emotions to the point that the Death Eaters actually found it hard to distinguish whether his actions were out of elicited obligation or complete loyalty. It also didn’t help that Voldemort seemed to have taken off the curse from the owl after noticing that Regulus was actually going to do it, and the beautiful eagle owl just blinked her vivid tangerine eyes a few times until it focused on Regulus, and flew until she was seated comfortably on the top of his right shoulder as usual.</p><p>But Regulus motioned for her to come down on the long table in front of him, and obediently she did. Once she was directly in front of him, he blankly stared at her for a moment, and all his memories of her seemed to have flashed in his head rapidly with absolutely no mercy on how much they were causing him pain.</p><p>She wasn’t just an owl, that’s the problem. She was all what Regulus had when he needed to feel that he was still a human being. Regulus knew how tainted his heart, mind and soul had become ever since he was just a kid, unable to stop the tainting because it was his family’s doing and he immensely loved them, but now he was frozen in his tracks as an owl caught in a trance.</p><p>Even back then he had Sirius to help him, to bring out the veiled goodness inside of him into the light. But currently, with no one to take advice or guidance from, Regulus seemed to have started being driven to the absolute wrong ways, with no ability to stop or to even realise that he was wrong.</p><p>And yet there was still this owl that was the only good thing left in his life. Regulus never even talked to someone as much as he had talked with her. All his thoughts and feelings seemed to have been locked inside her whether she had understood them or not. He always felt that she did though, as her eyes constantly showed him humane perception and pure understandability.</p><p>She was, Regulus just realised, his best and only friend.</p><p>And killing himself would be much easier than offing her.</p><p>But he couldn’t. Regulus couldn’t betray his family the way his brother had done. He couldn’t shame them by failing to kill a bird. He couldn’t give up his soul for hers, even though he was sure that either way, his soul will meet its demise.</p><p>Regulus just couldn’t be brave.</p><p>And he halfheartedly wished that a specific brave one would come and save him despite all grudges he held against him these days, but that brave person had no idea where he was, or even of the decision he was about to make.</p><p>He returned once more to his senses. This time, to avoid drifting away again, he acted quickly with no hesitation. He was surprised for a moment from his unshakenly hands, from his blank and expressionless face, and he just hoped they would carry on like that.</p><p>Yet this nonchalance also bewildered him, for it seemed as if he wasn’t even affected by what was about to happen – something completely and utterly deceptive.</p><p>A look of perplexity filled the orange eyes of the majestic owl as she looked at the flask in her master’s hand. However, that glimpse remained there for just a second, and her eyes widened with shock as Regulus opened her small mouth slowly and made her swallow a very tiny sip.</p><p>But the thing about Weedosoros that made it very special between all poisoned potions was that with the very first sip of it, it starts robbing its drinker from their senses one by one slowly and totally paralyses them.</p><p>And paralysed she became.</p><p>Her long feathers seemed to shrink in a painfully slow rate, and it was agony that filled Regulus’s entire body as he kept giving his dear owl the poison of her doom.</p><p>At some point, Regulus felt the unusual feeling of wanting to scream. He wanted to let everything out this time instead of holding everything inside and just be done with that torture. He wanted to <em>cry </em>as he kept looking at her, breathing out her last hoots that indicated she was in immense pain. He didn’t even know whether it was his brain making it up or reality it was indeed, but he felt as if she gave him a look of profound betrayal, as if wanting to say <em>I</em><em>loved</em><em>you</em> <em>and</em><em>you</em><em>killed</em><em>me</em><em>.</em></p><p>Everything became so messed up for him to try to even comprehend. The only clear thought midst the mist was that he had to keep going, and had to wear on his mask for as long as possible.</p><p>And it was over. He didn’t know how, or when did it end, but the stilling surrounding indicated so.</p><p>And the carcass in his hand insured so.</p><p>He didn’t know what to say, or even if he was allowed to say anything or not. All he knew was that he did a mistake, an unredeemable one, and that he will live everyday knowing that he killed his own pet that was more of a friend than anyone he had ever met with his own hands.</p><p>He was fortunately – or unfortunately, he really didn’t know anything anymore – spared from initiating a mindless conversation when the Dark Lord he had longed to meet for a seemingly long while to be a part of his trusted circle had uttered some false pretences.</p><p>“Well done, Regulus. What did you say her name was again? We should honour the dead by knowing their names, you know.” Voldemort had said, loathsome sarcasm filling his cold voice.</p><p>
  <em>“What are you going to call her, Reg?” Sirius grinned as he rubbed the bruised arm Regulus had caused after his matchless scream.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Inwardly, Regulus was very touched that his brother even remembered his birthday despite the many problems brewing lately in their household. Yet, he was never able to show affection and appreciation no matter how genuinely happy he was; something he still didn’t know whether it was a pro or a con. So he quietened for a minute, thinking of a name for the beautiful baby owl Sirius had gifted him and a sarcastic reply that might somehow let Sirius feel his gratitude.</em>
</p><p><em>“Grace.” Regulus then said, looking up to his brother and smiling. “I think I will call her Grace; something you clearly have no relation t</em><em>o.”</em> <em>he added, smirking his innocent small smirk and Sirius’s grin widened because after years of having Regulus as a brother, he knew all his methods and knew that this was his way of saying thank you.</em></p><p>
  <em>And as usual, he went along the act just to let him feel comfortable and understood.</em>
</p><p><em>“Pardon me younger brother, but grace is a word that suits me from head to toe. Shame you can’t see the </em> <em>obvious.”</em></p><p><em>“Shame you convince yourself with the non </em><em>obvious.”</em> <em>Regulus slyly replied, and received a smack on his arm too that put his own punch in shame. “OW!” he yelled, clutching his arm and caressing it.</em></p><p>
  <em>“That is called well-deserved payback.” Sirius grinned.</em>
</p><p><em>“That is called being an </em> <em>arsehole</em><em>! I didn’t hit you that hard!”</em></p><p><em>“Well you will always have an </em><em>arsehole</em> <em>of a brother; deal with</em> <em>it.”</em> <em>he grinned, squeezing Regulus’s shoulders so tightly the way older brothers just seem to do.</em></p><p><em>“Well, I can simply kill you, hide your body, say you rebelled and I won’t have an </em><em>arsehole</em> <em>brother </em><em>then.”</em> <em>Regulus contemplated, counting the steps on his fingers.</em></p><p><em>“You won’t even </em> <b> <em>have </em> </b> <em>a brother then, </em><em>dumbbum</em><em>.”</em></p><p><em>“Life is more interesting when one is alone...” Regulus shrugged. “Maybe with only </em><em>Grace.”</em> <em>he then added as an afterthought while looking at the small sleeping owl in his lap and Sirius gasped buoyantly from the crook of his brother’s shoulder blade where his chin was resting.</em></p><p>
  <em>“You would rather live with an owl you’ve just met rather than your own brother?”</em>
</p><p><em>“Well, she is useful, unlike yourself here. And she’s so pretty I can look at her for ages and never get </em><em>bored.”</em> <em>he said dreamily, petting her soft fur with all the gentleness in the world.</em></p><p><em>“Watch it, Reg,” Sirius smirked. “Next time I’ll be seeing you I might see her with a ring this </em> <em>way.”</em></p><p><em>“See that’s definitely why I love her more than you; she’s not a babbling idiot spewing pitiful sarcasm </em><em>everywhere.”</em> <em>retorted Regulus, rolling his eyes in a playful manner.</em></p><p><em>“Maybe you’re just too dull to appreciate this sarcasm, </em> <em>Reg.”</em></p><p><em>“Or maybe you’re the one oblivious to the fact that you’re not </em> <em>funny.”</em> <em>he fired back, having so much fun at the bickering they both missed very much. But as Sirius opened his mouth to retort back, the recognisable pop of apparition which indicated the arrival of the one and only </em><em>Walburga</em> <em>Black echoed.</em></p><p><em>“Oh God,” Sirius groaned, apparently irritated because he didn’t know when will he get a chance to talk to his brother that much again. “Well, I’m pretty sure Mother won’t be happy when she finds out about Grace, so just take care of her while I sort things </em> <em>out.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“What if she says she can’t stay?” Regulus asked, suddenly anxious because he had already fallen in love with the soundlessly asleep owl, but Sirius only smiled, tightly squeezing Regulus even more and rubbing his shoulders affectionately.</em>
</p><p><em>“I’ll deal with that, don’t you worry. You just be sure to take care of her, here and when you come to </em> <em>Hogwarts.”</em></p><p><em>“I </em><em>promise.”</em> <em>Regulus said solemnly and Sirius grinned at him before walking towards the new fight of the day.</em></p><p>
  <em>And Regulus, looking at his brother as he walked out of his room, felt truly happy like he hadn’t in a very long time.</em>
</p><p>“Grace.” Regulus said tonelessly, looking up away from her still body to the man that ordered for her state to be like this. “I used to call her Grace.”</p><p>“Such a majestic name.” Voldemort said disinterestedly.</p><p>“Indeed, my Lord,” Regulus found himself replying. “She was full of grace despite her purchaser.”</p><p>“You are not regretting what you have done, are you?” Voldemort asked him sceptically and even more coldly than normal but Regulus shook his head assuredly— to himself at least. “Good. You are a great supporter, Regulus Black.” And he stood up while voicelessly motioning for Regulus to do the same.</p><p>And Regulus, who was slowly breaking down internally, did exactly what was asked of him with immense veiled difficulty.</p><p>“Present me your left arm to present you the greatest honour a Death Eater could receive.” the Dark Lord drawled.</p><p>“I am... thankful, my Lord,” Regulus voiced out, bowing to the unhinging soul in front of him and stepping forwards slowly while rolling up his left sleeve in an automated manner.</p><p>The usual silence returned between everyone once more, all awaiting the minute the heir of the Blacks would join their rank. Some of course were loaded with jealousy from his ability to go through such a simple test and immediately be regarded as one of them, not to mention his young age that almost everyone thought would be completely inefficient to them. But some, who were close to the family of Black or even belonged there, were overjoyed from the fact that the family will be getting the recognition it deserved, not caring at all that he will be the one carrying the very heavy load on his shoulders.</p><p>Lord Voldemort then slowly drew his wand while looking watchfully to the posture of the young boy in front of him. He wasn’t at all impressed from the outcome of the test, for he knew that that was what meant to happen. What really did impress him was Regulus’s ability from this young age to be devoid from emotions, to be like him, and he was certain he would benefit so much from a person like Regulus.</p><p>The yew wand that belonged to the Dark Lord suddenly contacted with Regulus’s forearm, and a state of numbness and stillness overcame Regulus as soon as it did.</p><p>It was painful, so painful that it froze him and made his still racing heart stop slowly. He didn’t yell, or scream, or show any signs of pain; maybe due to the inability of his mind to perceive anything any longer, or his heart’s inadequacy to realise what he had just thrown himself into.</p><p>And abruptly the pain had stopped, and Regulus looked at his arm that felt as if on fire only to find a crimson looking onyx tattoo, horrifyingly yet very elegantly shaped.</p><p>And he had absolutely no idea what should he feel about that.</p><p>But at that moment, empathy decided to re-enter Regulus’s life, and it saved him from any further decision-making through his sole blonde cousin.</p><p>“My Lord, if you pardon me,” Narcissa Malfoy began and waited until Voldemort had nodded, “May you grant Regulus and I the permission to leave if you have no further need of him? I must admit that we are quite eager to inform the rest of our family of the greatness you had bestowed upon us.” she completed, looking directly at the Dark Lord with unwavering eyes and he returned his gaze for a few moments before saying, “Certainly. You are both excused.”</p><p>And Narcissa grabbed Regulus from his shoulders while they both bowed, and quickly left the wide unforgettable room.</p><p>Just when the door had been closed had both let down their guards slightly, and Narcissa sped them up quickly to the farthest room in the whole spacious manor.</p><p>By her side, Regulus started to feel numbness circling him like a prey, waiting to fill every vein it hadn’t already with everything it had. He already felt the exhaustion consuming him from the longest hair he had until his shortest toe, and the only thing that was left was for faintness to arrive and get him, but Narcissa’s grip made it sure that it wouldn’t be coming any time soon.</p><p>For just one moment Regulus had the ability to conclude his surroundings, and he saw that they had entered a greenish grey room, small in comparison to the other ones.</p><p>“Why did you do this, Regulus?” Narcissa asked him sharply after closing the door behind them and enchanting the room so they would be unheard.</p><p>“Because it’s the right thing to do. Surely you know that, Narcissa.” Regulus replied mechanically, not even sure he was the one speaking at that moment.</p><p>“Just cut the pretence, Regulus Arcturus; you know you can’t befool me.” she said sternly and Regulus suddenly flinched out of her grip when he abruptly acknowledged it, as if his mind, heart and soul all suddenly coalesced to only accept this tight hold from one person and one person only, whether he could live with that or not.</p><p>Collapsing down on the nearest couch there was, he exhaled these thoughts, trying to regain any of his collected composure but in tremendous vain.</p><p>“What kind of an answer are you exactly expecting, Narcissa? That I’m out of my mind thus I’m doing weird stuff or that I’m just too <em>broken</em> to actually think straight?” he asked, feeling her speechless gaze on him and Regulus could only scoff when he saw that look on her face, painfully diverting his eyes away once more.</p><p>“I thought you already knew that the answer was the latter.”</p><p>“Reg—”</p><p>“No, Narcissa, don’t.” he said, feeling her sympathetic eyes on him; an emotion he hated being addressed upon him. “I— I don’t regret it. I’ll be most welcomed here and I don’t think you should be giving me a speech while you’re also here, doing <em>exactly</em> the same.”</p><p>“At least mine is a fake act to survive what Lucius dragged me in!” she replied fiercely but with deep hidden hesitancy.</p><p>“That’s not how it is, Narcissa.” he croaked weakly. “You are <em>loving </em>this because you are no longer the same old cousin of mine. You’ve turned into the figure you’ve always hated because you’re just too <em>narcissistic</em> to see what Andromeda was trying to let you keep.” he finished, not really knowing where that comment came from or what was the origin of his rising rage, but all he knew was that he no longer cared whether to say what’s on his mind or not.</p><p>“Do not bring Andromeda in this conversation, Regulus,” Narcissa replied ruthlessly, looking directly into his eyes. “We both know that she is no longer someone worth talking about.”</p><p>“Now who should cut the pretence, Narcissa?” he retorted. “You think I don’t know how it feels to be abandoned by the only living soul you’ve always expected to stay on your side? I don’t really know how we keep doing this, all this falsity, but I guess we did learn from the best.” Regulus then said, tiredly muttering the last part to himself but Narcissa had heard him nevertheless.</p><p>“I hardly see this as a complaint.” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.</p><p>“Contemplate it however way you like and blame me however much you want. I really no longer care.”</p><p>“I am not <em>blaming</em> you, Regulus,” she said gently while moving in his direction and sitting down beside him like two children ready to play side by side once more. “You know how much I care for you and love you. I just can’t see you ruining your life with your own hands in your young age by seeking an enigmatic way instead of just staying away and simply doing nothing.”</p><p>“Me joining the Dark Lord wouldn’t cause me misery, Narcissa, it might guide me to the right road and people.” he said pointedly, trying to convince himself as well as her.</p><p>“Where are the ones we thought were right when we needed them though.” she wondered rhetorically and yet in the deepest repugnance Narcissa Malfoy was ever able to talk with and Regulus only laughed mirthlessly.</p><p>“One must search for a way to survive, Narcissa, not a way that will crush one’s self even more. I’m not sure about yours with Andromeda, but any road that involves Sirius for me right now will crush any humane part left in me. If there really still was.”</p><p>And silence fell where both sat trying to process all what had happened that day. Hesitantly, however, Regulus looked at her and voiced out a very doubtful thought – one that was reeling again in the back of his head, now that his mind had won the war over his heart.</p><p>“Maybe rebelling isn’t too important. Maybe Andromeda and Sirius are the wrong ones and our family is indeed correct about everything. Maybe this is just the way life is teaching us that family is important.”</p><p>But a few seconds later, he muttered something so quietly and distressfully that both always thought of but never tried to seek an answer for.</p><p>“Just why were we the only ones tutored, Cissa?”</p><p>Regulus sighed then, brought his face in his hands and allowed himself to open up for someone else than Grace since ages. “I’m <em>lost</em><em>.</em> I’m <em>lost</em> without him. I know we’ve been apart for so long even before he ran away, but his presence always gave me undeniable comfort. I would’ve never thought that I’m that worthless to him or that I’m that <em>useless </em>without him.” he repulsively voiced out his self-hatred, his body starting to shudder from the intensity of the eventful day.</p><p>“I know you think I’m exaggerating and I know that you think he deserves to be banned from existence but he’s still <em>my brother</em>, Narcissa. Every time– every time I wake up from a nightmare and realise I no longer have him to come and comfort me afterwards I just feel a brick on my heart that I’m too <em>weak</em> to remove. Every time I look at my door sign and realise he will never blatantly barge through it in the middle of the night just to wake me up for something so silly or to set me up a prank it <em>pains</em>. It <em>pains</em> that I was so stupid to take our relationship for granted. It pains me that I’m here; doing <em>exactly</em> what he never wanted me to do.”</p><p>And he paused, took a deep breath and felt a lone tear mixed with his broken sob of what he was about to utter.</p><p>“It just all pains and I can’t find a cure. And the house is full of memories I cannot escape.”</p><p>And he stopped, not knowing why he poured his heart out in the first place even if she was his favourite and most understanding remaining family member. It was always so hard for Regulus to open up, to talk about his feelings and emotions, as if by doing so and admitting them out loud he would be insuring their existence and there would be no elusion from them then.</p><p>He started to realise just then how much he will suffer from the feeling of weakness that would later consume him for letting his guard down and for also letting himself reach to the breaking point he never knew he had.</p><p>“And now, killing the only living reminder left of him... killing <em>Grace</em>... I— I need to go home.” he said suddenly in a burdensome manner and stood up in a fleeting second.</p><p>Narcissa stood up with him, moved closer and gently held close his left shoulder.</p><p>“You sure you don’t want to wait until I tend your flaring arm?” she deflated the topic concerningly.</p><p>“Yes.” he firmly answered, avoiding their eye contact. “I can fix myself.”</p><p>And he shrugged her hand softly this time and started walking towards the door until he stopped abruptly once more in front of it. “Thank you, by the way, for excusing me from there, Narcissa. I owe you.”</p><p>Yet without waiting for a reply, he waved his wand, undid the charms and left while Narcissa kept staring after him doubtingly.</p><p>“He will damn his own self if he stays like that.” she muttered, her hopes crushed beyond repair.</p><p>And in a twisted version of what she had said, Narcissa Malfoy was indeed correct.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
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